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Saturday, November 7th, 2009
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Measuring the hours by your beautiful darkness
Breaking hopeless hands that couldn't care less
This waiting has got me thinking
About all the time that we've been missing
Crushing weight and anxious flesh
Waging war on our happiness
I've been waiting here for weeks
Just to see you crack a smile
Let's take a joyride through this city of souls
And forget about this ache that's been sleeping in our bones
We've crawled 10,000 miles since this began
And you've been talking in your sleep again
Let's slip away, knees weak and fingers trembling
We can reach the coast by morning
Escape the scope of prying eyes
And the distance scratched in copper skies
I've been waiting here for weeks
Just to see you crack a smile
Let's take a joyride through this city of souls
And forget about this ache that's been sleeping in our bones
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Comments: Add Your Own.
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Tuesday, November 3rd, 2009
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d-pressed.
i need to find a way to shake this.
bike ride perhaps?
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Comments: Read 2 or Add Your Own.
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Monday, November 2nd, 2009
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i want to be 18 again. the things i would do different..
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Comments: Read 2 or Add Your Own.
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Tuesday, October 27th, 2009
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struggling the last few days.
i need to pull myself out of this.
i hate when jasons gone for long periods of time. and it's only been 3 days. ugh. 21 more to go.
some one please buy me a plane ticket to new york. pleeeeaase?
sam- your entry inspired me to set some goals. i will make my list when i get off work today.
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Comments: Read 1 or Add Your Own.
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Friday, September 11th, 2009
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Sunday, September 6th, 2009
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ohhh im tired of being me.
anyone want to trade for just like a few days?
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Comments: Add Your Own.
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Monday, August 31st, 2009
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Tuesday, August 18th, 2009
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felt fine all afternoon and now, all of a sudden, i feel awful.
i feel not good enough.
i feel ugly, i feel huge, i feel like everyone is better than me.
i feel that i have never done or never will do anything great in my life.
i hate who i am at the moment.
my clothes are stupid. my hair sucks.
i hate that i am bummed about shallow bullshit.
not exactly sure what brought this on.
i have a boyfriend who completely loves and adores me.
yet, i can't help but feel that i am nothing compared to who came before me.
i feel like it is only a matter of time before everyone just gets sick of me and moves on.
i'd love to be able to blame every man who ever made me feel i wasn't good enough.
but i know it is all my own issues, and no one can be blamed because it is no ones fault.
i want to be a strong woman. i want to feel confident.
and sometimes i truly do.
but not right now.
do you feel this way?
anyone?
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Comments: Read 14 or Add Your Own.
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Thursday, July 23rd, 2009
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patti smith is such a badass.
i am so tired.
i wish i didnt always want to be alone. i wish i was a social person.
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Comments: Read 2 or Add Your Own.
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what does it mean when you'd always rather be someplace else?
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Comments: Read 7 or Add Your Own.
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sometimes it takes massive effort to keep my mouth shut.
and sometimes i wonder if i even should.
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Comments: Read 2 or Add Your Own.
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i stayed up till quarter to 5 talking to jason last night.
by all records of normalcy, i should still be sleeping.
the good news is, I have a few hours to read before I have to actually do something with my day.
the part where i plug in my headphones on my ipod is broken. i need to take it to the apple store to see if they can fix it today. i hate riding the bus, or walking places with no music. or worse yet, music in only one ear.
i need money. and a friend who works for an airline.
in the next year i want to live outside the country for 6 months or so. either somewhere in europe (sweden, germany or italy), or australia.
I also need more girl friends who don't have kids and aren't married. Don't get me wrong, I fucking adore my girlfriends who married and/or have kids, and by no means wish to replace them in any way.. but I do need girls to hang out with on a more regular basis. I am tired of having 98% guy friends. Why do I have such a hard time relating to other girls? I hate to smash ladies into a box, but I feel like i have had so many experiences with girl friends becoming competitive, catty and highly judgemental. give me some insight here.
my mouth tastes like a petting zoo.
time to brush my teeth and read.
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Comments: Read 10 or Add Your Own.
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Thursday, June 18th, 2009
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glad that's sorted out.
maybe i over-reacted.
i felt justified in being upset.
either way.. it's done.
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Comments: Read 1 or Add Your Own.
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despite being having a 6 day long, excrutiating sore throat
being really seriously betrayed by one of my best friends
and losing charlie..
these have been 2 of the funnest weeks ever.
i am so happy to be here.
yay summer vacation.
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Comments: Add Your Own.
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Charlie, our family dog, is being put to sleep tomorrow at 9:15.
I am devastated.
I don't get to say goodbye to him.
I feel like an asshole for not being home with my family.
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Comments: Read 5 or Add Your Own.
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ok.. im actually going to update.
weird, right?
I leave for Seattle tomorrow. I am anxious and excited. I will be gone until early September.
On that note, over the last few weeks as i've told people, I've gotten the response, "Ohhh, LUCKY!"
now, I know no one is trying to be shitty, they are simply stating that they are envious of me getting out of the eternal sweatbox that is arizona in the summer, but it realllllly irritates me.
Luck has nothing to do with it. I worked hard throughout school to become a good hairdresser and to have a career that allows me the flexibility of traveling. I worked hard at both my salon jobs to be able to gain the trust of my employers to let me come and go. I get really tired of people thinking that moving or traveling has anything to do with being lucky. Like these opportunities just fall from the sky and if you happen to just catch one, you are one of the lucky ones. I am tired of people whining about being stuck, in life, in jobs, in places they are unhappy, and acting as if they have no control over it. Nevermind setting goals for yourself and working towards attaining them.
ugh. stupid. regardless... I am lucky, for so many things in my life, but going to seattle isn't one of them. That was something that I wanted for myself, and I am making it happen because i choose to do so, not because 'fate' stepped in and made it happen for me.
I am insanely unprepared for this trip. I haven't packed a thing. My room is a mess. Leave it up to me to wait till the last possible second.
I saw drag me to hell last night.. it was fantastic. I have a few minor complaints, but all in all, very entertaining.
There is this thing happening in my life right now that is making me stupid happy.. but it's not the right time to discuss it.. stay tuned.
I feel relieved to be done with work. I love having free open days. I saved an adequate amount of money, and then went and impulsively spent a bit of it on the new blackberry curve yesterday. STUPID KELSEY. But the phone is great. soo ya know. If i didnt think I could sell my old blackberry on craigslist, id give it to Chris. Every time I go to Megans he is dying to play with it.
I need to get ready and go see my grandparents before I leave.
Emily is moving to Portland in July. It's crazy how fast everything is sneaking up. It's weird to think that she wont be here when I get back.. But it's just another reason to take a lot of trips to Portland this summer.
ALKALINE TRIO IN PORTLAND ON THE 7TH WITH JOEY!! I cant wait!!
Things are great.
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Comments: Read 12 or Add Your Own.
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Rudy's is going to hire me back for the summer.
This means I will be spending 3 glorious months basking in Seattle's perfect summer.
I win.
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Comments: Read 9 or Add Your Own.
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i haven't updated in 8 weeks.
i intend on it soon(ish)..
hold tight.
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Comments: Read 2 or Add Your Own.
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Tuesday, January 20th, 2009
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I am unconsoled.
I am lonely.
I am so much better than I used to be.
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Comments: Read 5 or Add Your Own.
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Friday, December 12th, 2008
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sodapopsmash's journal